NOTE: As of this date, I have full-time employment. Check my LinkedIn profile to confirm that I haven’t been fired yet.

Peter Crosby accepts responsibility for everything that can’t reasonably be blamed on his parents.

For more of a resume-type thing, read my LinkedIn profile.

Born fifth, the youngest son of a typical suburban family, Peter Crosby spent his early childhood like many American children — reading comic books and watching network television. This intellectually bankrupt background led to social dysfunction and unimpressive academic achievement despite being constantly reminded of his “above-average intelligence” by motivation-killing teachers (“Peter’s obviously bright, he just doesn’t apply himself to our pointless exercises”).

Peter Crosby’s resulting academic record was a testament to both his boredom with traditional education methodology and his sugary cereal-fueled hyperactivity. However, there were some bright spots during his school years. In the sixth grade, Peter Crosby drew the best Snoopy® in his elementary school and won a ceramic Linus® piggy bank (now a priceless collector’s item). Yet after years of unsuccessfully surpassing that achievement, Peter gave up trying to do anything meaningful with his life and went into advertising.

As an advertising professional, Peter Crosby has more than exceeded the legal limit of success for a person of his highly questionable talent and/or skills. As a result, he lives in constant fear that his beautiful spouse and worldly possessions will be repossessed at any moment by a Washington bureaucrat and his gloating High School guidance counselor (“I told you you’d never amount to anything, Mr. Crosby!”).

As for Peter’s personal interests, he includes among them watching any Matt Groening TV show, whining about petty annoyances (see My Rants) and using his many Apple Computers to express his writing, music, and web penchants, as well as alienate his aforementioned beautiful wife.

For fun, Peter Crosby likes to travel with said spouse and write long-winded articles about his trips, primarily for Peter Crosby’s own golden-year recollections, but also for the vast sea of bored English-reading citizens in the world who should seriously think about getting outside more.